Love And Apologies or "My Neighbor Is My Neighbor"

  I owe you an apology.

  For some reason having a baby has brought out the selfishness in me. Instead of becoming more selfless, patient and forgiving, I have become more selfish, impatient and intolerant. I have felt more entitled because "I have a baby!" And this is crap.
  Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am constantly covered in drool. Yes, I am dealing with a creature who whines and cries a great deal of the day and doesn't understand "no" or "just a minute!" But you know what? So are a lot of other people, and they don't become as intolerant as I have.

  Specifically, I need to apologize for all the hatred I have spewed toward our upstairs neighbors. They are loud - and at truly unreasonable hours - and I have moaned, whined, cried and shouted about it. They have never apologized for their behavior and this has, at times, infuriated me. And this is crap.

  You see, I am holding them to a standard - my standard - that they do not know or understand. I am trying to demand that they think and behave as I think and behave without giving them any reason to. I was convicted of my behavior on Sunday, when I realized I would be absolutely and justifiably ashamed if our neighbors ever found out I call myself a Christian. What kind of Love am I showing them when I call the cops on them because I cannot sleep? What kind of Grace am I showing when I verbally lambaste them to my friends - even though they do not know me?
  Additionally, I should apologize to many, many drivers who have been on the road with me for the reasons listed above...and some really bad thoughts.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never ends." - 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

 So I apologize. I am sorry for being so selfish and unforgiving. I am sorry for being hateful and for feeling justified in it. I am sorry for being such a horrible example of God's Love to my literal and figurative neighbors (see "The Good Samaritan").

  And while I have your attention for a moment, I'd like to bring up all of the Proposition 8 Hullabaloo. I have seen a lot of hatred online today, and I am heartbroken. Especially if you claim to be against gay marriage because of your faith, you are held to a higher standard. Read the verses again. Love is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way! Are we living this out?

  We are held to this standard. But you know what? People who do not hold our beliefs are not. They neither know nor understand our standard, so it is impossibly unfair and unrealistic to hold them to this. We cannot expect them to make the same choices as we when they do not have the same Influence. They do not know the Truth.

  Now don't for one second think that this means that I am saying, "We should just love everyone and accept everything." I am not. Having a set of standards means that there are things that are right and wrong. I am not preaching tolerance, but Grace. Jesus did not go around telling those who didn't understand Him off, or calling them names, or starting public debates trying to shame them. He lovingly, patiently - and often quietly - showed them the Truth.

  Please, I beg of you, remember this from today forward. You never know what kind of influence you have in someone's life - don't add to the negative Christian stereotype. Let's be the ones to shine the Light in the darkness - not push others farther away.

  And if you happen to be someone who has been turned off by Christianity, first of all thank you for reading this far. But more importantly, I am so exceedingly sorry and heartbroken by what has been done to you. I cannot tell you how much my heart aches for you. All I can say is that I write this in tears and in hope for you. I pray that you will know God's true Love. I pray that you will have in your life people who can show you what it really means to "follow Christ." And I beg your forgiveness. We Christians are human, it's true, but I apologize for when we fail to live up to our own standards.

  I leave you with Paul's words in Philippians 2:14-16

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain." (emphasis mine)

Random Factoids

It's been a long day - long week, really - and I thought I could use a little cheering up. So here are 10 Random Facts about yours truly.

1. I get the hiccups whenever I am nervous and/or excited about something. Every first date. Every vacation. Last Sunday before running the slides for church for the first time in 6 years. 
2. I was very, very trusting as a child. Some might say gullible. I like "trusting" much better. I was convinced to eat grass, Playdoh and chalk as a child. Chalk, my friends, does NOT taste like bubblegum. Don't ever believe anyone who tells you otherwise. 
3. I am a big kid. I still love Baskin Robbins' Bubblegum ice cream. I have all of the Mighty Ducks movies and the Never Ending Story, parts I & II (III was crap). I am currently watching the Mighty Ducks. I am giddy whenever it snows and I have to keep myself from buying "silly string" whenever I see it in a store. The list goes on.
4. I was "That Kid" growing up. My parents punished me by taking away my books. I ran out of Babysitters Club and Nancy Drew books around age 11 and started reading Moby Dick, The Three Musketeers and my mom's John Grisham novels for fun. When my mom would succeed in kicking me outdoors to "play", she would find me - without fail - on the front porch or under a tree with a book. This passion also gave me the ability to use words liek "ubiquitous" in every-day conversation. Verbosity rocks, y'all. 
5. Because I was That Kid, I was bullied. A lot. And you know what? I survived it. It sucked. It was hard when my only real friends were also That Kid - and they were usually That Boys - but they ended up being Those Friends. Those Friends are the ones who are still in my life today, when all of the others have moved on or gotten busy. 
6. I've been off caffeine for 10 years now, so if I don't get my morning shower - watch out.
7. I dream a ton. I mean, I remember 3-5 dreams every. Single. Night. And folks, they're getting weirder every year. Recurring dreams include: trying to be Young Elvis Presley's friend - because he's actually a sad, lonely teenager; being in an elevator that starts going sideways and backwards and all over the place, so that I'm falling all over the place (thank you, Willy Wonka); and being underwater and realizing I can breathe - but I usually don't want my captors or the killer bees chasing me to know this.
8. I have had many close calls in my life. Not the least of these is the time then-kitten Francois got too close to a candle and caught his tail on fire. It was so slight that it went out as he ran away, but in those oh-so-brief seconds I envisioned my entire apartment burning to the ground and wondering what the HECK to do with the cat.
9. I teared up during Ice Age when I thought Diego was dead.
10. My eyes change color with my mood. Usually blue-green, they are a deep blue when I'm very happy and hazel when I'm pissed. Wonder how I'm feeling? Check the eyes.

  And now that I have rambled on incessantly and unnecessarily, I'm going to bed - where hopefully I'll have the under-water-breathing dream, and not the elevator madness. Congratulations on reading the whole thing. Night, all!