For New Mommies

  Dear Mommy-To-Be's,

  This is my letter to you, the expectant-with-no-idea-what-to-expect friend. Here are the things that have saved our life and the things we found to be unnecessary. This is my love letter to you.

Things That Weren't Needed:

• Wipe warmer - though this was handy the first couple days, when baby is most aware of the cold, it really wasn't necessary. Even our little boy adjusted pretty quickly.
• A Sling - while you will need a carrying system (see below), the sling did not work for us. Sammy was in a wonky position, it put too much weight on one shoulder, and he wasn't secure enough against me to allow me to do much. 
• A Truckload of Newborn Onesies - Judge me all you want, but I only changed Sam's outfit every two days at first. He simply didn't get dirty (nursing babies don't spit up for a while), and we were mostly just hanging out in bed. Also, he grew out of the newborn size fairly quickly. We mostly used gowns and a handful of onesies. 

Things That Saved Our Life:

• Our Stroller/Carseat Combo - The Britax B-Agile Travel System has been one of the best investments we've made. This system may not be the one for you, but I hope you find the one that is! And remember to consider:
• How much does your system weigh? If you'll be carting it around the most without your hubby, make sure you can manage it on your own! We "test drove" several systems that were highly recommended, but in the end, we chose the one that was both the safest and most easily carried for me. Our stroller only weighs 15 pounds, which was much easier for me to carry around (especially keeping in mind that my left shoulder is not what it used to be). 
• How easily does it move? Our system is a 3-wheeled breeze. In fact, sometimes it's too smooth a ride - and the lack of bumps and vibrations wakes Sam up. The carseat, too, is easily transferred from one car to another (though we're still going to buy another base for David's car). 
• What will you be using it for? Our stroller is really only used for walking around, and it's great for that! 

• Sign Up For Mailing Lists - this can save you beaucoups of $$. For example, we are on the Bed Bath & Beyond and BuyBuy Baby mailing lists and receive coupons all the time (BuyBuy will accept Bed Bath coupons). We took a 20% off coupon in with us to purchase our travel system and knocked 20% off of the $399 price tag. BIG help! 
• Bouncy Seat - this miracle allowed me to take a shower and cook food (even if I couldn't enjoy it while it was warm). By putting Sam in the bouncy seat in the bathroom or kitchen with me, I was able to do what I needed to and still keep the Toot happy for a short amount of time - at least enough to wash my hair or throw together a sandwich.
• Backseat Mirror - SERIOUSLY. This thing has made a huge difference in our car rides! Sam being able to see us via his mirror/my rearview mirror has made a world of difference. We have much fewer meltdowns now. It's my hero. 

• A Bottle Warmer - you can use a pot of water; we did for the first 3 months. And it works. BUT we  recently bought Dr. Brown's Deluxe Electric Bottle Warmer, and we have loved it. I did my research and it had the best reviews. It doesn't get yucky buildup, it can be used to sterilize, and you can the timer stays where you put it (not something all do). Our bottles now go from fridge to ready-for-Sam in 4 minutes. Thank you, Jesus!

• A Carrying System - I thank God often for my Moby wrap. After three weeks of literally losing my mind because Sam did not want to be put down at all, and our house becoming a war zone, and not being able even to eat somedays, I finally invested in a Moby. Possibly the best thing I've done since having Sam. The wrap allowed me to be able to do some chores (laundry, vacuuming, dishes) while still keeping Sam against me and calm. It took some adjusting - at first I would put him in it and then have to take him right back out because he would smell me and want to nurse - but we got the hang of it fairly quickly. And the Baby Bjorn that a friend lent us has been a huge blessing in our ventures in public. Sam hates being kept in his carseat, so the Bjorn has allowed us peaceful shopping trips, etc., where we didn't have them before. *I will add that the Moby, in particular, can get a little warm. For a while there (since it was still so hot outside until November), I would wear it around the house in a cami, with Sam only in a diaper.

• Having a Cradle in Our Room - Not having to get up and go across the apartment every time the baby made noise was a huge help. Having him so close also meant that I became very in tune with him very quickly. It also meant that he didn't have to get worked up waiting for us to get to him, and he went back to sleep more quickly. We didn't move him to his nursery until 8 weeks.
• Bath Support - We tried bathing Sammy in the sink, and it did work, but the bathtub was easier -- especially after we bought our Angelcare Bath Support for him and a knee pad for me! Now Sammy and Mommy enjoy bathtime, and I don't hurt or worry about him getting water stuck in his ears.

• Cool Mist Humidifier - this has been a tremendous help in Sam's breathing. When he was somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks old, he started to get horribly congested, especially at night, and it was scary. I called the doctor and this was one of her recommendations. The congestetion lasted a little over a month, but now he sounds fine at night. 

Things We Wish We'd Done Differently:

• Ask Your Family to Stay With You - you will kick yourself (I promise) if you don't. We didn't. And our first night was ROUGH. Now, mind you, we had a home birth, so we missed out on the help you get in the hospital the first few nights. If you are planning your birth this way, it won't be as big an adjustment. If, however, you are planning to use a midwife and will be going home that same day, GET HELP. I couldn't get out of bed, and David had no clue what he was doing, and it wasn't until 4:30am the next morning (nearly 48 hours without sleep) that we figured out that Sam would only stay asleep if I kept him on top of me (something else to keep in mind). Now, this makes total sense in hindsight. It was a big "duh" moment then! But if you have a parent with you, you might think of it sooner and save yourself some tears. 
• Sleep When Your Baby Sleeps - !!! I did not. I tried to get things done and spend time with my hubby. I went against every mom's advice. It is nearly impossible to fight these urges. But. You. Need. To. Again, you will save yourself tears. In the first 5 days of Sammy's life, I got about 10 hours of sleep. Please learn from my mistake. 
• Just Say NO - to company. Really. If you are overwhelmed, tell well-wishers "not right now" and then give them options for when you are up for visitors. Everyone wanted to visit us in the first week - and they were always bunched together. We had several days where we would have 2-3 visitors or groups of visitors (!) all in one day and it was overwhelming. They meant well, and we wanted to see them, but we should have made them spread out and let ourselves (and Sammy) rest more. 

  Most of all though, dear one, remember that you and your little one are individuals. What works for one mommy will not work for another. Take the advice you're given as that - advice. It's not a mandate, and you are not a failure (nor is your baby) if it doesn't work for you. 

  Example: Sam has, from day 1, hated sleeping on his back. If you put that baby on his back, he would wake himself right back up. Now, I am well aware that every doctor today will tell you that letting your infant sleep on his stomach is one of the worst things you can do. However, "they can drown in their vomit" was really the main reason I was given for this law. Sam was able to lift his head at birth, though, could easily turn his head, and I had already read research that stated that babies sleeping on their backs is the cause of so many infants now needing to wear helmets (because the pressure flattens their heads, which can cause brain damage). So I made an informed decision - to let him sleep on his stomach - that was appropriate for us. 

  One of the most helpful pieces of advice I have received came from my homegroup leader, Amber. She told me about a week after Sam was born that (verbatim) God gave Sam to me because He knew that I was the best mommy for him, that I would raise him the way God wanted him to be raised, and because my instincts for him would be best. The same is absolutely true for you. Remember when you're overwhelmed and tired and weeping (because the hormones just won't let you stop crying sometimes) that God gave you your baby - not someone else - because you know what is best for him or her...whether you always feel like it or not.