As most of my friends know, almost exactly two years ago I had surgery on my left shoulder to repair a post-labral tear (the tissue that holds the shoulder joint in place). This tear had been undetectable for a year and a half, and so I had just been living in pain until the exploratory surgery. The repair was delicate and the recovery process six months long, and the first couple of months were difficult, but manageable.
Two days ago I started having loud pops in my shoulder - not particular unusual. I had somewhere between 2 and 4 in two days. And then last night I noticed that I very suddenly had full range of motion back (I'd only had 80-90% until now), and my shoulder felt like it was grinding when I moved it. And then the pain started.
I think my repair has come undone.
I am terrified.
And I am facing two major dilemmas right now.
1. David is about to change jobs, which will mean new insurance. Right now I haven't seen a doctor for my shoulder in a year and a half. If I see one now, our new insurance provider may consider this issue to be "pre-existing" and not cover it. I am already in the level of pain that matches that of my pre-op days. Do I go in right away or do I wait? Will it make a difference for my shoulder? I don't know what to do.
2. If I have undone my repair, and I require surgery again...what do I do? I wouldn't be able to hold my baby for 3 months, possibly more. And I won't be able to nurse anymore because of all the drugs. And with my Endometriosis, we were told to have all the children we want immediately. So do we wait until I'm done recovering from another potential operation to try to have another baby? Will we be able to have another baby then? Sammy was a miracle. Will God give us two miracles? I don't know what to do.
And I guess I have a third dilemma: What do I do about the pain? Before my operation, my pain was constant, I mean truly non-stop. At best, it was a constant, dull "4" on the pain scale of 10. I couldn't do laundry, I couldn't do dishes, I couldn't even make the bed most days because of how much it would hurt me. And I now have a nearly 18lb. baby (who gained two pounds in two weeks). Before my operation, narcotics were the only thing that worked, and I hated it. I was constantly a little high, constantly worrying how much more my body could take... And I'm nursing now. I don't know what to do.
Please pray for me as I - we - wrestle through these questions. I know that everything at this point is just hypothetical, I know that I shouldn't worry... I just struggled through this pain for a year and a half - two, if you count the post-op time. I am terrified of what this pain will do to my poor baby when I can't pick him up every time he wants me. I'm already struggling through that today, and we're both miserable for it. It's daunting. It's overwhelming. And I don't know what to do.
Two days ago I started having loud pops in my shoulder - not particular unusual. I had somewhere between 2 and 4 in two days. And then last night I noticed that I very suddenly had full range of motion back (I'd only had 80-90% until now), and my shoulder felt like it was grinding when I moved it. And then the pain started.
I think my repair has come undone.
I am terrified.
And I am facing two major dilemmas right now.
1. David is about to change jobs, which will mean new insurance. Right now I haven't seen a doctor for my shoulder in a year and a half. If I see one now, our new insurance provider may consider this issue to be "pre-existing" and not cover it. I am already in the level of pain that matches that of my pre-op days. Do I go in right away or do I wait? Will it make a difference for my shoulder? I don't know what to do.
2. If I have undone my repair, and I require surgery again...what do I do? I wouldn't be able to hold my baby for 3 months, possibly more. And I won't be able to nurse anymore because of all the drugs. And with my Endometriosis, we were told to have all the children we want immediately. So do we wait until I'm done recovering from another potential operation to try to have another baby? Will we be able to have another baby then? Sammy was a miracle. Will God give us two miracles? I don't know what to do.
And I guess I have a third dilemma: What do I do about the pain? Before my operation, my pain was constant, I mean truly non-stop. At best, it was a constant, dull "4" on the pain scale of 10. I couldn't do laundry, I couldn't do dishes, I couldn't even make the bed most days because of how much it would hurt me. And I now have a nearly 18lb. baby (who gained two pounds in two weeks). Before my operation, narcotics were the only thing that worked, and I hated it. I was constantly a little high, constantly worrying how much more my body could take... And I'm nursing now. I don't know what to do.
Please pray for me as I - we - wrestle through these questions. I know that everything at this point is just hypothetical, I know that I shouldn't worry... I just struggled through this pain for a year and a half - two, if you count the post-op time. I am terrified of what this pain will do to my poor baby when I can't pick him up every time he wants me. I'm already struggling through that today, and we're both miserable for it. It's daunting. It's overwhelming. And I don't know what to do.
I understand how terrifying it can be when you think the pain is coming back. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for wisdom and peace and relief from both pain and anxiety, because they are both so crippling.
ReplyDeleteEm we are praying!!! Patrick has had to have two surgeries on the same shoulder due to labrum tears and I do not believe they can call it a preexisting condition since anything can cause a tear (even after it's been fixed once). I really think it's worth it to go to the doctor for this just to get it checked out. It is NOT worth it to be in constant pain, and I can speak to this from Patrick having gotten it done...you can only give so much when you are hurting and once you're recovered you don't look back!!! And Patrick has a job that requires typing all day AND had a car that was stick shift so he was also put out by only having one arm (although I understand how hard it would be not to be able to hold your baby). His second surgery recovery seemed to go by faster (or maybe it was easier because we knew the ins and outs of it).
ReplyDeleteAlso remember that God is in control of your baby making and if He wants you to have a brood He will make that happen, aint nothin you can do about it! It's totally in His hands and He gave you a miracle once and I believe He can do it again!
Praying for you!!!
xoxoxoxo
Mere
Praying! God never gives us anything we can't handle and it is times like these that God is calling you to grow and have faith. I know...easy to say when it isn't me, but I do believe it. Know that you are in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Adam and Kristin
If you have constant insurance coverage, that eliminates the pre existing condition clause. When you change, you'll get a letter in the mail certifying that you've had constant coverage. God doesn't limit miracles.
ReplyDeleteand hey! The computer deleted my ending! It was "Hugs"
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